you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
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I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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