Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize