I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize