Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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