she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When are your genitals available?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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