a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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