I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
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I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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