It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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