I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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