too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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