I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I want her autograph on my taint
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I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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