no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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