sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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