Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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