it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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