I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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