the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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