Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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