He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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