Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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