Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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