GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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