just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
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Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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