i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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