a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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