I molested 6 butterflies tonight
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize