The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i think my mom watched the whole time
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
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You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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