guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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