Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize