we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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