Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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