I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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