Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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