Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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