woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize