Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize