I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A+ Viking dick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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