im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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