Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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