so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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