I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize