i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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