Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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