Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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