i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize