im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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