Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize