is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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