Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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