I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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